I have been curious lately. Curious about what other people were doing when they found out that Addison was sick. Were you a friend, just scrolling across Facebook and seeing that something went wrong. Were you calling just to see how things were going? Did you not know us at all but just heard through some chain that we were in desperate need of prayers. And then what did you do once you found out? I image many people felt helpless. Maybe you hoped or didn't realize the severity of the situation.
I recently went through Daddy's fb messages to see what was happening on his end. I know many People were communicating with him rather me because of the state I was in. It was interesting to see how long the "we are here for you/so sorry for your loss/ your in our prayers" messages lasted. And I know that just because we don't get those messages as much, doesn't mean we still dont have that response from people in their hearts.
Yesterday a friend went with me to pick up medical records for myself and Addison. Trust me when I say that I only got those records to help me remember. I still completely trust all the things that were done for us and Addison at the hospital. I'm not looking for any errors that were made or overlooked. It was hard to read some of the information though. In a record about me, there is a play by play of my c-section down to the second. Information I never would have known without getting these records because Daddy wasn't in the room and I had been girl.sedated . I'm going to take a brake from reading the records for now though. Its pretty exhausting to look through the complete history of my daughter's life. It wasn't till this past week that Daddy and I even finished getting through the condolences book that was set out for people to sign at the viewing. I desperately wish there had been a sign up sheet at the funeral. I wish I knew who all was there. I so wanted to thank them for coming. I had been worried that a Monday funeral might lessen the chances of people being able to attend, and I do know of many people who desperately wanted to come but could not.
I do have one happy update. The Addison Bear (through molly bears) is in thea production process. I had expected the organization to call me but that didn't happen so I shot them an email yesterday. They were so quick and kind in their response. A woman named Jess is going to be making my bear. From the tone of her writing, I may even have my bear by next week. We will definitely be needing to do a family portrait when it arrives.
I miss my baby girl. I really am trying so hard to be the kind of person she would want me to be. That may not always come through in my writing because this is generally where I like to vent, but I am trying.
With love,
Addison's Mommy
P.s. Really do message me or comment about what you were doing when you first heard about Addison. It would help me to know that it was also significant to you,
I saw it on Facebook that Addison was sick. I kept checking updates to see how she was doing and when I found out she had passed, my heart ached for you guys. I could never imagine the amount of devastation you guys were (and still are) going through. I'm a very empathetic person, so even though I couldn't personally relate, I was pained by your having to be in pain.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I heard about Addison was when I was on Facebook. Your sister-in-law, Emily, had shared a link to Addison's page. I "liked" the page and began to receive updates on Addison's progress. I then began to pray for a family that I had never met. My heart ached for someone that I didn't know. I then reached out to Channy to see if she had any additional information, as she and Emily were close, hoping to hear that the treatments were working. My prayers continued and still do today.
ReplyDeleteWith Love,
Ashley
I kept seeing comments on Addison's FB page from my childhood friend, Channy. Addison's story touched my heart, so I started praying for you all. I lost a baby early on in a pregnancy and although that loss was so, so different than your loss, I think I experienced some of the same emotions that you experienced. Anyway, I love how truthfully you write. You are stronger than you think. I'm so sorry that you are on this journey and I so wish that you would have had the chance to see Addison grow up. I think you are a pretty amazing mommy and I know that Addison is proud of you!
ReplyDeleteMy memory is like this. ... I remember being so excited for you because of the sweet hair picture you posted on the way to the hospital. Then your hubby posted about your being ok but Addison needed prayers. This made me panic and read pretty much every post on your hubbys page. My heart broke with all of the updates. You have been in our prayers since. I love your messages and know Addison is an angel at your side and loves you very much. Thank you for this blog.
ReplyDeleteMy experience was much the same as Valerie R. Excitement, followed by fear and then deep sadnessas as the news unfolded. I felt so very sad that we no longer lived in the area. I could not be there to give you hugs and to comfort you. I was heartbroken that I was unable to attend the funeral. Even though I am on the other side of the country, I mourned for you and with you.
ReplyDeleteI was at work when I saw Nathan's request to pray for his "wife and baby". For the rest of the week, I checked my phone several times a day for updates. When I read that she was gone, the tears started falling before I even finished the post. Since I didn't see the post until late that night, I had to cry silently so I wouldn't wake my family. The two of you are a constant prayer in my heart. I still check my phone frequently for your posts, so I can get a glimpse into how you are healing. I was so proud of you for standing up to that person that honked at you that day you went to Hobby Lobby. That was the day that I knew you would get through this alright. It's still a long road, and you will never be the same as before, but you will be ok.
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Emily, I recall seeing the cute post of you on the way to the hospital. I checked the next day to read the updates and saw the posts from Nathan to pray. In shock and disbelief, I read all I could on his page and prayed for little Addison and you both. As the news progressed and unfolded, tears were shed from me and many, many, others. At the funeral, my heart ached. Your little angel Addison looked beautiful and at peace. You and Nathan have continued to be in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing us to grieve with you.
ReplyDeleteI remember following on Facebook. First the weekly pregnancy updates! Then the news you'd be induced! Then the updates from the hospital! And when Nathan posted to please pray I really worried... but I was still so excited that it was hard for me to grasp the gravity of the situation. Looking back at my comments I remember how long it took for it to sink in that this was really very serious. I was just so excited! I was so optimistic! Surely everything would work out, it always does. Bad things only happen on T.V. Not to my friends. Not to people I'm close to. I was so lost when I finally realized how bad things were. I think I tried to stay optimistic so much that when I read that she died it felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I wanted to throw. up. I cried so hard it hurt. I knew things would forever be different and hard between us and I hated that too. What happened here forever changed me. We love you all, we love you Addison!
ReplyDeleteI found out on Friday night, at like 11pm. I had been setting up the Douglasville Building for the Auxiliary Training the next day, March 15th. I watched the video of you and Nathan driving to the hospital, eagerly awaiting the news that Addision had arrived. I was glued to every update once I heard that things were complicated. I told a couple of LDS people at my work and asked if they would say a prayer for your family. I remember when I read the post I just started to cry, knowing that the pain you were feeling was so insurmountable and something that I could never in a million years relate to. I remember thinking about the day you and Nathan were sealed in the temple, and how because of that covenant Addison would be with your forever, but that the days, weeks, months, and years ahead would be difficult. Victoria and I said a prayer not 5 minutes after I found out, she said it because I could not. I'm not in touch as much as I have been in the past, but I think of you often, and know that I love you and your family! Something that comforts me when I feel sad about not having a husband or family of my own is the knowledge that eternity is a really long time, it's forever, and however temporary things are in this life, there's always forever in the life to come!
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