Bored

I'm bored. Bored and sad. Sadly bored. Daddy has something to do today. That's good for him. He likes having projects. What do I have to do... Aside from lay in bed all day. I could clean my house... But I have no motivation. I could go in her room. But that might be debilitating. So for now, i am just lying in bed with River. She is leaving on Wednesday for obedience school. She won't return for about a month... Unless she does get approved to be a service dog... Then it will be longer. 

School is starting soon. I'm not going back. They called the other day to ask why. The stupid woman asked if I would be ready to return in the spring? How do I know? And honestly, if you were a real person, you would no longer care about your stupid pole and would tell me to take all the time I need. 

I will be off work for the next two weeks. Soon Daddy will be starting school after that and I will be alone more. I tried to commit to something which for now hasn't worked out. I tried scheduling hangouts with friends but summer can be so busy with kids. I would be having a busy summer if my kid was here. But she's not. And I'm still in bed, indefinitely. 

I wish there was more stuff on fb to read. Or I could find more games to play on my phone. That's what I do most of the time now. I exist. I know Addison wouldn't have wanted this for me. And I know it pains Daddy to see me this way... I don't plan to be this way forever. 

My purpose in life was ripped from my hands. So now what is my purpose? Is there anything that could ever be greater than being a mother? I guess that's what I lay here thinking about. 

I just want to be a mother for her. 

With gloom,

Addison's Mommy