Frankly

I'm gonna be real frank here for a minute. I don't need any comments on this post other than to say you understand.

Frankly, I am not going to commit suicide. I am not suicidal. So quit asking or inferring. And I know, you were just checking on me. And I didn't mind when just you checked on me. But I do mind when several people are checking on me or implying it daily. And if you continue to be worried about it, bother my amazing husband about it before you potentially send me into a panic attack.

I am going to remind you that this blog is where I write about my deepest darkest places. It is not the full picture. But you won't get to know the full picture unless you can accept me in my deepest darkest place. I don't hang out with or talk to people who don't read my blog (generally speaking).

I have been tempted to publicly share answers to the question "are you getting all the help you need". But I am not ready to suffer the possible judgment or entitlement to knowledge that others may project on to me. That being said, please acknowledge the accomplishments I have made, rather than point out the areas that have not yet been healed. Just this past Sunday, a friend of mine said, "you look absolutely beautiful today". To me that said, "You made it out of bed, you took a shower, you got dressed in uncomfortable clothes, you put make up on, and you made it here. Look at how hard you worked and I see your effort."

To those who continue to "preach" at me. Know that it has been confirmed to me why I was chosen to go through this tragedy. I will share one piece of that... It is so that I could grieve publicly and show that grief can be shared, felt, and heard. I will not claim my grief to be any worse than another's, but I am proud to be a voice for grief.

Lastly, I would like to share a song that I love but completely disagree with. You see, this song advocates for suicide in order for the lost individual to not suffer their own death alone. I know that Addison is not alone, but if I did think she was, I think it would be a beautiful sentiment to walk with her into the dark.

 

If this video does not work, youtube "I'll follow you into the dark" by Death Cap for Cutie

With love and firmness,

Addison's Mommy