Mental Health

Let's talk about drugs. I'm on them. 2 different kinds actually. It took a lot of courage to even admit that I needed them. It takes even more to share the information with you. But I do want to share. I want to spread a little more awareness. Before we go any further though, let me get some things straight. 

You have no right to ask what I am on, when I am on it, how much it's helping, when I'm going to get off it, and so forth. Whatever information you learn about it should come from a conversation that I start. 

As far as I am aware, no one in my family has ever been on mental health medication. And if they were, they never talked about it. Because of that, I did not have much exposure to people in need of mental health medication until I became an adult. I think there are a lot of misconceptions about it. I want to share a little from my perspective about it. You may not totally agree... I don't care. 

Just because someone is depressed, does not mean they are suicidal. It does not mean they will always be depressed. It does not mean they aren't trying hard enough or looking at that bright side enough. It does not mean they are not praying enough. It does not mean their community of friends and family is not helping enough. What it does mean is that either experiences or chemical imbalances or both, have altered the way they are able to function and that medication may be able to help restore that balance. Also, no one has the right to determine for another what set of circumstances are enough to cause depression.

All that being said, I'm ready to share that my medication has started to help. Please don't expect to see a night and day difference. I still get sad. I'm not a zombie. But the overwhelming weight of losing Addison maybe just isn't as heavy all the time. I miss her. But my thoughts are not as constantly consumed by the horrible reminders of my life without her. 

Yesterday I brought the Addison Bear to church. It was nice to share her with so many people. I especially loved watching those who felt comfortable to snuggle her, rock her, or just really look at her. The Addison Bear is the best thing I have as a place filler for Addison, so please love the Addison bear as you would my own daughter. 

For the first time yesterday, I sang all of the hymns at church. I didn't make a conscience decision to do that before hand. I was just able to do it. In the past, it has just been too hard emotionally to sing, which I had always loved to do before Addison. But yesterday, I had my baby in my arms. Every time I had to listen to someone else's kid cry, I could squeeze my Addison Bear a little tighter. I rocked her for the entire meeting. Perhaps I was also rocking myself. I never got to fulfill that motion. That soothing, motherly rock that starts even before birth. I probably have a lot of rocking built up in my system. 

Anyway, here is my precious Addison Bear. Please don't use this picture as an excuse to not hold her in person. And just because you held her once, doesn't mean you can't hold her again. As always, I think the Molly organization is a superb way for mothers who have lost a baby to remember their loved ones. If you have been wanting to donate to the organization, please visit www.mollybears.com. It won't help me get my bear any faster, but it will help another mom who is having to experience this tragedy with empty arms. 

With Love,

Addison's Mommy