Holy Cow. Make it slow down. I just can't seem to keep up with my life.
I haven't written in a long time. Mostly, things have been good. I have changed jobs. I have been trying to sell my Memorial Blocks, but I admit, I have not made the best effort in marketing myself. My grandpa died this past week. I'm going to be running (mostly walking) a 10k at WDW on Feb 20th. Today is my mom's birthday. We are trying to sell Nathan's car. Nathan's classes started back up. And then there are many other things going on that I don't feel like writing about.
I don't cry very often any more. I haven't cried once about my grandpa dying. He will be missed and was a great guy, but we weren't that close and he was 92 years old. He lived a good life. You can read his obituary that my mom and I wrote here, http://leonarddupras.myevent.com/.
This morning I scrolled across FB and discovered my cousin's wife is pregnant. I didn't cry immediately because I was in public, but later I had a total melt down. Can't everyone just stop having babies? I am so sick of people having babies! And please don't take it directly personally if you have had a baby. And don't regret telling me that you are or were pregnant. I just hurt so much when I see your baby live when mine died. I want the chance to have a healthy baby. I want to know what its like to take a baby home from the hospital. I know I will one day. But can't the world just stop until I get my chance? Why do I sob over the announcement of a new baby, but am fine when someone dies? It feels so backwards. I don't cry over every baby announcement. Just the ones in my family mostly. Or the ones that I know I will have to interact with long term. Addison is and was the first great grand child on my entire side. I know my cousin is just living his life but a part of me feels robbed of my title and robbed of Addison's title. I wanted to have the oldest great grand child. I wanted my mom to be the first one of her sibblings to be a grandma. I wanted Addison to be the first girl in the Rusch side. I just wanted so much. Maybe its selfish, but nobody can call me that unless they've walked in my shoes.
Addison's birthday is coming up and we are planning a party. Please come. Everyone please come. Children over the age of 18 months are welcome. Anyone who has ever heard of my sweet girl is welcome (so long as you aren't a creeper). I need to feel your love for her. I have created an evite for simplicity and the link for it is below. Please RSVP if you CAN come. I am not interested in seeing "NO" in the RSVP section. Every "NO" will hurt, whether you have a good reason or not. So please reply "YES" as soon as you can. I am planning for 100 people but would be happy to plan for 500 if that many people wanted to come. Anyway, atleast just look at the link... Addison's 1st Tea Party Invitation.
With Love,
Addison's Mommy
