I never knew it was possible

Freaking clear blue estimator pregnancy test commercial!!! GREAT, it can tell you how far along you are. It can tell you that you have successfully conceived. It can tell you that your life is going to change. BUT GUESS what it doesn't tell you, the likelihood you will have a miscarriage or your baby will turn out deformed, or one day they will get hit by a car, or get some terminal disease, or DIE at 3 days old!

NO BODY TOLD ME!!! No body told me that it was even possible that my baby could die!!! I called the labor and delivery class teacher actually and told her that she did a terrible job by not evening telling us that our babies might not turn out the way we expected. I even told her about this blog that I right and she might be reading this right now BUT I DONT CARE!!! My life is so screwed up right now!! I'm sick of living this life of loss and pain. There are babies EVERYWHERE except in my arms.

I want to be able to sleep. I want to be able to go to the grocery store by myself. I want to be able to go back to school. I want my husband to be able to stay at work and not worry about me when I have a horrible, horrible day. I want to be able to see my family instead of remember all the things we should have been doing.

This should not be my life. I never wanted this. I never knew it was even possible for it to be like this.

With resentment (bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly),

Addison's Mommy

P.s.

Any guesses on how late I will be up tonight? It's almost 1:30am... My guess is around 4 or 5.