Thursday, June 19, 2014

Not rhetorical

Not rhetorical. What does it mean to you "to mourn with those who mourn"? Is there a time frame? A limit to the depth of grief? I'm not trying to call anyone out but I'm really just curious. How do you mourn with someone else? What if it's someone you can hardly relate to. I haven't always been a shining example. In 2012 a family in my area suffered a terrible tragedy. I thought about how aweful it was but I didn't go to the funeral. I didn't know the family directly and didn't want to be insensitive. I wasn't capable of understanding the depth of their loss. I wish I was as empethetic then as I am now. 

I love all those who came to Addison's funeral. I especially love those who had maybe never met us but wanted to show support. And even now there are people reading this blog that know seemingly nothing about me but have chosen to participate in this life altering experience of ours. 

I want her back. I want her back in the most selfish ways possible. Because her mother needs her. 

I have recently made the decision to be angry. Furious even. There have been things said and done that I have not shared with you. Horrible and terrible memories. I have put a lot of energy into trying to not be angry at these people. But guess how a coke bottle explodes? Pressure. How do you open the coke without getting soaked? Let the pressure out. Little by little it has to come out. Keeping it locked away will only make it worse  once it is set free. I still think these people don't need the whole world hating them, but if you would like to ask me about it one on one, I'd like to share now.  And if you do ask, don't you dare judge me or try to "fix it" or worse, "fix me". It's already done. It can't be changed. Just like she is gone and can't come back.

Thank you for your best efforts in understanding. 

With Love,

Addison's Mommy
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2 comments:

  1. UnknownJune 19, 2014 at 9:40 AM

    Empathy is so much more painful that sympathy. It means you understand in a way that only experience allows. It means you literally hurt and ache for others who experience pain and loss like yours. I also wish there was some way to protect grieving mothers from the heartless and cruel words and actions of others. I am so sorry.

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  2. Chelsea YanceyJune 19, 2014 at 9:11 PM

    It's okay to be angry and furious. That is something that I learned the hard way. I thought that it was wrong to be angry and that I needed to be positive through any challenge that Heavenly Father gave me. Then my husband said something to me. Jesus got angry. When Jesus cleared the temple of the moneychangers and animal-sellers, He showed great anger. I think sometimes we mistake anger as being selfish, and a destructive emotion that we should eradicate from our lives altogether. However, the fact that Jesus did sometimes become angry indicates that anger itself, as an emotion, is amoral. Don't you let anyone tell you that you're not allowed to be angry. *Hugs*

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