I can't sing anymore. I used to love to sing. It's too hard now though. I have to predict if the words are going to trigger me and try to keep from crying.
There was a baby blessing yesterday too. I asked someone when they were going to be. I didn't expect one that very day. I knew I couldn't stay for it. When the time came for it, I bolted. Daddy stayed so he could text me when it was over. I went outside and sobbed. Addison didn't get a blessing for all to hear. She did get one. Right before we took her off the machines. Right before she died, we blessed her life.
Today is Daddy's birthday. He is 27. I don't think he likes that number very much. At least this year he wouldn't have expected a gift from Addison. She wouldn't be able to color a picture or sing him a song. I think the future will be harder.
I need to go back to visit the hospital soon. I need to.
With love,
Addison's Mommy
Thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteAnd the whole time I'm sitting up front trying not to cry, my dad should have been there for it. He should have been the second witness at the twins baptism. He should have been there to stand in the circle when Hannah was blessed. If he had been too weak from chemo to come here, we would have done both in St Louis, but we didn't get that chance because he is already gone. My mom should have been there too. She should have made the white dresses for all three girls. She would have come out to help when Hannah was born. She would have been so excited for another girl. I miss them both so much.
ReplyDeleteAmber Boyd
One of the reasons why I haven't gone to church is baby blessings. I can't handle them either. I am so sorry Emily. My heart really does ache for you.
ReplyDelete