No Baby in My House

May 5

There is no baby in my house. There are no rattles on my floor. There is no car seat in my car. There are no bottles in my dishwasher. There are no burp cloths in my laundry. There is no baby in my house...

I made all this room for Addison. Not just in my arms. Not just in her room. Not just in my heart. But in my life. In my day to day things. Somehow those things feel empty. All the places she was supposed to be. They seemed like normal things before. I hardly want to do them anymore.

It's hard to drive my car, and not hear her hungry cry. It's hard to go out in public, and not push her little stroller. It's hard to go to church, and have space for her in the pew. Living life is so hard, not just the special things but the every day things too.

With love,

Addison's Mommy

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Jessica Jones Marsaw: No matter what, you are still her mom. I was talking to a dear friend the other day, she lost a child several years ago, and we talked about how you take physical care of some children in this life and others you take care of in your heart. Each is with you, each is a vital part. I know life holds some deep and wonderful joys for you.