Tired of Holding Me Up

My back has been hurting. I didn't pull it or strain it. It just aches. My joints are just tired of holding me up. Perhaps if I were to sit up straight, they wouldn't hurt. But why would I do that? Who would want to ever sit up straight again after losing their daughter? I don't want to appear composed and confident when I don't feel that way. I set my appearance to reflect the way I am feeling... Well, except for church... And when I run out of clean laundry.

Did you know I used to be a model? Want some proof? Here ya go...

 

Now, I know I didn't really have to prove it. But what do I see in those pictures? In most of them, I have shoulders back, a confident expression, and bright red hair.

 

Red Hair... I used to be called ginger snap. I loved it. I was bright and loud. Daddy Never got to see me as a red head. He would like to... But I don't think I have that type of confidence anymore. I don't have the pizazz. I don't have the energy.

 

I don't want to be that girl that I was. I certainly never will be, so that's good. But I would like just a hint back.

 

A Hint so my back won't hurt.

 

With Love,

 

Addison's Mommy