Where Did You Meet Them?

May 9

Where did you meet your best friend? Your boyfriend or girlfriend? Your husband? Where did you meet your second family? The best boss you have ever had? Your go-to person? Where did you meet them? Have you been back? Are those places special to you? Do they bring back wonderful memories?

I met Addison at Gwinnett Medical Center Neonatal Intensive Care Unit B in the first bed on the right. That place is sacred to me. It is where I got to know my daughter. The first place I got to hold her hand. The first place I got to talk to her. I cherish that place where she was and where I got to be.

I went back today. I love going back. I love being where she was. I don't think of it as the place she died. It's the place where she lived. It's the place where she fought for her life. She did amazing things there.

Some people can't go back, or at least I have heard. I don't blame them. I cry every time I go. It's different. There is another baby in her bed. There are different nurses she didn't know. But still I try. I try to feel her spirit there. I imagine she goes there often. She encourages the other babies as they fight for their lives. She is near those mothers who can hardly hold themselves together. She is with those doctors and nurses, helping diagnose and save precious lives.

One day I want to go back to her bedside. I will have to find out when her spot is vacant. I want to sit where I rocked her to a sleep she would never wake up from. Those were sacred times. Sacred tears. I often tear when I think of that cry. The sacred one that cannot be replicated. Few people witnessed those sacred moments. Only one on this earth went through it with me.

I'd give anything to have her back. I want her back. I don't want to miss her anymore.

Feeling like a mother without her baby,

Addison's Mommy

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Debra V. Wade: Wow, you are indeed a remarkable and strong mom. Hugs to you this night and in the coming days.

Tabitha Weiler Armstrong: Oh sweet friend, my heart aches for you. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Love you!

Krista Mullins: Beautiful post Emily.