A Mother's Grief

April 26

Today was Friday. Most people do a date night on Friday. We had a date night. I wish we hadn't in some ways though. We went to the movies. The smell of popcorn gives me migraines so we only go to the studio movie grill. We saw "Noah". It was a bad idea. Most of the movie was fine although it was definitely more violent than I expected. But that's not the bad part. The bad part was when Noah was going to kill his grand daughters. Emma Watson tried very hard to portray a mother's grief over her children that she knew would die in her arms. She tried.

I can tell you that the deep sorrow that comes from the depths of your soul is a sound no one can replicate. It's a trembling whale that no one can try to imitate even in expression. No one knows that cry except those who have lost a child. I try to remember the feeling. It felt good. Good to have the passionate out pouring of love, knowing there was nothing else I could do to save her. I hope to never cry that painfully again. But crying makes it real. Sometimes I like to watch people's expressions when I tell them my baby died. Most look shocked. Mothers look horrified. There is a difference. And it's horrific. What happened to Addison is horrid. And what happened to us.

God gave us a full range of emotions as a blessing. The deep ones are hard to reach though. They cannot be replicated. You can only feel them by experience. I would not change my mother's sorrow for anything. Well, anything except getting Addison back. It is a treasure. It is a treasure to cry for her.

With love,

Addison's Mommy

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