I Am a Rubik's Cube

April 21

Let's go back to the rubik's cube thought for a moment. I'm going to assign some colors. There are 6 sides. My sad and horrid feelings are red and yellow. Blue are my thankful and happy feelings. White is my routine and to do list. Green is my social time. And orange is me planning for the future. 4 out of six of these colors are normal. 2 are not. That is a 1:3 ratio of when and I how feel sad. It is in not the majority. But this right here, this blogging thing is where I put all my red and yellow. It may seem like my sadness consumes my life but it doesn't. I still do those other colors. Some more than others on different days.

You do not get a full glimpse of my life through my fb page. You don't know me because of the things I write on my page. I use this page to put my sad feelings into words.

I do not use my page to tell you what I do in my spare time. I do not use it to talk about my relationships with friends or family. I do not hold anyone accountable for choosing to read or not read what I write. If it is too much for you to read, stop. Several people have shared with me that it hurts too much to read what I'm saying. At the same time, many have expressed gratitude for putting words to the emotions that can come with loss like this.

Writing how I feel is a double edged sword. I am allowing myself to be vulnerable to your judgements, your criticisms, your bad advice, and your emotional instability BUT I find great comfort in knowing you at least know how I feel for a moment. A single moment of my day. That's all.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for hearing my pain. Thank you for being worried. I promise I live. I do things. I have a private life. It will also remain private. And thank you for respecting that.

With love,

Addison's Mommy

28 likes

Olivia Margarita Almendares: If only there was a love button... regardless, we don't know each other well but I continue to admire your straightforwardness, honesty and overall strength... all a source for inspiration!

Amy Dupras Granger: i want to tell you a little story about my daughter, Emily. When I had my hip replaced she brought me to the hospital at 4:30 am, brought my favorite movie, Pride & Prejudice, crawled into my hospital bed, and visited all she could. When we got home, she happily jabbed me in the belly with a blood thinner needle and changed my bandage every day. She did not have to tell me how much she loved me .... because she showed it. Her love is deep and nurturing and kind and generous. This gift of her writing is for all of us.

Sarah Latchaw: Thanks I was super worried lately that things are getting way worse and not any better at all. Now that I know that this is the sad stuff that makes me feel better I know what to expect. You have to share it somewhere and I'm glad to be a part of it.