Trying Not to Hate Myself

April 7

I'm trying not to hate myself. I can't find Addison's lock of hair. I didn't put it in a safe place and now it's gone. I think it was accidentally thrown away. Maybe by someone who helped to clean around the house. It was in a piece of gauze tape in a plastic bag so it maybe looked like trash. I can't remember the last time I saw it. It's been a while. I can't believe I was so careless with something so precious.

I went in her room last night in an attempt to find it. I don't think I was ready to go in. I just sobbed when I opened my eyes and saw where she was supposed to be. I want to write more about that but I'm too mad at myself right now. And it's not ok that it's lost so please no one say it is.

9 likes

Melissa Brown: Oh no! Keep looking. I doubt anybody would throw it away. I hate it when I can't find something important. It makes me sick. But things usually turn up especially with an extra set of eyes.

Sarah Latchaw: You will find it. All your Facebook followers will say a prayer for you today.

Nadya Greene: I'm so sorry to hear about this Emily. I've done similar things and I understand a little how frustrated you must feel. If you need a fresh pair of eyes to help you look, just let me know. I'll be hoping and praying it's just hiding somewhere in your home in the meantime.

Tabitha Weiler Armstrong: Oh Emily, I'm so sorry you still can't find it.  We'll say a special prayer for you.

Stephanie Waters: Emily, I am so, so sorry. It is not okay that the lock of her hair is gone. It is not okay that almost all of your pictures with her are gone. It is not okay that she is gone. There is nothing that is okay about any of this. I will pray that it is found. Go through the garbage if you haven't already. In the meantime, know that we share your saddness, anger, confusion, frustration and also your faith that somehow in the midst of all of this, we know that God is there. I'm sure nothing helps right now so just let yourself be sad and to feel it all. Again, we share it. Maybe my favorite serenity prayer will bring you some comfort.

Stephanie Waters: Hit enter too soon.... Anyway, I know you're not ready to accept this yet. I'm not either. Save the prayer for another time. Or read it in hopes of reaching acceptance someday..... God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. The Courage to change the things that I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace; Taking as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will, that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen (Reinhold Niebuhr). That prayer is on my Grandma Paolini's refrigerator. She buried two children and while her faith is and was strong, she was never the same. Love you Emily xoxo

Krista Mullins: Praying you'll find it!!!!

Ginger Faulk: You're right...it's not OK that the lock of hair is missing. We're praying you will find that precious momento!

Angie Thompson: Emily, at the hospital it was most likely put into her angel packet (white fabric envelope ) or in the bag with her beads of courage. Check both of those. Praying you find it

Ashley Tremblay: I will pray that you find it!!

Amy Dupras Granger: Sweetie, when I can't find something, it is hardest to find when I am the most upset. What works best for me is to ask God to show me where it is and ask angel to put it where I can find it. So look in unlikely places and know that God knows where it is. Your precious Addison is watching you from Heaven and she would not want you to hate yourself....... because you are her Mommie. I am praying for you. Love, Mom

Marcy Howard: praying you find it!!

Channy Hansen Fish: Oh, sweet mommy's heart....I can't imagine your anxiety over this. I will pray my heart out for you to find it.