Rainy Days

April 18

I hate rainy days. Addison's funeral was on a rainy day. It was so cliche. I wanted the sun. I needed the sun. Rainy days make me feel sad. Almost every bad day I've had since she passed has been rainy.

I felt like I needed to cry all day. I had no reason beyond the normal heart wrenching pain which I normally can tuck away for appropriate break down times. Rainy days are worse though. All I can really equate it too is morning sickness. All day I would be nauseas and just waiting to throw up just like all day I was just waiting to cry. Well I finally cried. I received 2 beautiful gifts in Addison's memory. I love when others help me to find ways to remember her. I feel so much love through their planning and effort made into finding something. Yes, it always makes me cry but I don't mind crying. I don't like to do it around everyone but I actually like to feel the hole in my heart. It reminds me of how much I loved and still love her. If I didn't cry, I would feel fake. Like she wasn't important or as if life could be the same without her. It's not. Life will never be the same without her.

I love her dearly. I can't wait to hold her again. It won't be a rainy day that day. Never again.

With love,

Addison's Mommy

17 likes

Sarah Latchaw: One day the tears won't come as often but that doesn't mean her memory isn't as real. A mothers love only grows and each day you think about her and look at the pictures of her you will love her more and more and know she loves you. I'm sure she was right there with you today.

Martha Mooney Granger: I wanted to think that it was rainy that day because the angels were crying too...corny I know...but its a comforting thought for me.

Emily Rusch: Aw, Em I loved this. No. It won't be raining when you get to hold your baby again.