Some Things Need to be Said

April 16

There are some things I need to say that are going to come across very mean but I need to say them. I have learned that there are some things that hurt for people to say. I know that no one has intended to hurt me and only wants to help. I also know that I have opened myself up to people's opinions by sharing my deepest emotions so publicly. Please try not to be offended. There have been multiple things said or done and this is not directed at any specific individual. If you have done one of these things, I forgive you. But going forward, I may not be as kind if you hurt my feelings.

Here it is... Do not tell me why you think Addison died whether it be medical or religious. I have a firm understanding of her medical issues and I know why God let this happen. I do not need other people filling my head with doubt on either end.

I trust that Addison's and my doctors did everything they possibly could to save Addison's life. There was no way to predict what happened to her. There was no medical reason for her heart rate to drop. Her cord was not wrapped around her neck nor was it clamped. Her placenta and womb environment were in perfect condition. It was not a result of meconium. She did not have any diseases or malformations. She never needed surgery. Her heart beat perfectly after she was resuscitated and she never needed a machine to assist that function. The cholestasis I had did not cause the rapid deceleration of her heart rate. There was no medical reason for what happened to her. This has been confirmed to me by our doctors. I do not want to hear any opinions that suggest otherwise. Not now or ever. Especially when we decide to have another baby.

I also know and believe in Heavenly Father's plan for Addison. I do not need any assistant in remembering the promises God has given regarding little children. Please do not coach me to believe in God or any other beliefs that I may or may not share. I'm good in this department. All the knowledge in the world doesn't mean that it's still not incredibly painful to live without her.

What I do like to read are things like: thinking of your sweet angel, praying for you, I'm so sorry you are going through this, we love you, we also miss your sweet baby... And things of that nature. You can come up with your own rendition but I hope that helps.

Again, I really don't want to hurt feelings but I think it would be better to speak up than to hurt more than I already do.

With love,

Addison's Mommy

29 likes

Ginger Faulk: Good for you Emily, I think this needed to be said. You know best the kind of support you need. I am thinking of you, Nathan and your sweet Addison.

Jeannie Childs: Thinking of you lots the last few days. Praying for the strength you need to continue to carry on minute to minute, day to day, maybe even second to second.

JeNece Collins Clifford: It's so good that you can let everyone know how you are feeling and what hurts your feelings! You certainly don't need anymore hurt than you are already feeling! Praying for you always!

Tyler Hazelton: People only have the best intentions. We continue to pray for you and your family.

Shauna Baang: Thank you for sharing this. I love you with all my heart and have been at a complete loss as what to say of even do. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, always

Valerie Jones Merrell: We appreciate guidance on what is most helpful for you!

Estella Brianne Killpack: Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Your in my prayers !

Jenny Steinmetz: You are so strong! And so kind to be continually concerned for others' feelings. I'm amazed with how well you can express your thoughts and needs even when the pain must be so overwhelming. I'm thinking and praying for you each day.

Sarah Latchaw: I'm glad we are all in this together. We all think about little angel Addison daily. She has touched all if our lives in different ways and more ways than anyone would have imagined. Thank you for sharing her with us. Thank you for sharing your deepest emotions with us. Thank you for being an example of strength even when you don't feel like it. Thank you for being real and raw and vulnerable. We all love you Emily and look forward to your posts that share where you are at, what you are thinking about, how you are, when you try to go our how that goes, if you need help in any way, your beliefs and values, your love for your husband and daughter and taking us on this journey with you and including us. We are blessed and privileged to know you.

Angel Perez Murphy: I think it's brave to speak up.

Maggie Kennedy Wilson: I'm sorry people have said hurtful things. I'm proud of you for speaking up about that. You guys are loved -- You, Nathan, and Addison. So many people pray for you every day. I know I do. I pray God gives you strength to face the pain and all of the situations in the day ahead. God bless you, sweet girl, just as He has Addison. Don't give up.