Hold Me

April 28

I sort of wish I had a hammock. I think a hammock would be the best. It would be the best for this rocking need I have. I feel like being cradled. Literally held and rocked back and forth. Unfortunately I am too big for anyone to do that. And no one would be allowed to do that but my husband. But I think if I laid in a hammock, he could swing me and I would feel soothed.

Growing up, I was not held for very long. We, my sisters and I, grew too fast. You may not believe me but I was full height when I was 12. I was a 5'11" pre-teen 12 year old. I also never had a growth spirt. I never had growing pains. I just grew constantly. I don't think my parents ever had to convince me to eat and yet, I was lean.

So I was tall. And because I was heavy due to my height, I stopped getting carried earlier than I preferred. I also was the oldest and saw my sisters being carried. I don't think it stemmed from not wanting to walk but more from wanting to be cradled.

Today I wanted to be cradled. I wanted to be carried out of church as I fell apart. I was too dizzy to walk. I was t0o emotional to stand. But I was also too worried about what others would think if Daddy literally carried me out. Would they have understood?

I wanted to hold Addison for so long. I wanted to cradle her for as long as she wanted. I wanted her to lie her head on me and feel more than safe. I wanted her to crawl into my lap as I read her stories. I wanted to comb her hair as she sat on my knee. I wanted to hold her up when she was sad or hurt. She would have always been my baby to me.

Love,

Addison's Mommy

13 likes

Sarah Latchaw: I'm so proud of you for getting out and doing things as hard as it may be that is part if the healing process that is really only complete when you are reunited but Addison would be proud of her momma. I'm sure she was there with you in spirit. She is one special perfect angel and you are one special mom to have a perfect angel that is your daughter.

Brandie Hill: They have really nice light weight ones in the camping section of Wal-Mart