Angel Babies

March 23 at 6:30am

I woke up at 5 this time. I have been laying here thinking I would be able to go back to sleep. Obviously no. Daddy has also been using me as his giant teddy bear which is unusual for him. I'm glad he doesn't mind how sweaty and gross I am at night. I have also been coughing a lot still. I go to have an incision check tomorrow though so I will mention it then.

It's Sunday. The day of rest. Generally speaking, I would rather not be resting or attempting to rest. I think I might do family history work today. For those of you who aren't members of the LDS (Mormon) church, we do family history work to link everyone that came to earth. We do our best to build up the records of those who have passed. Sometimes that's hard, especially with people who live long ago. But those who have passed are also helping us to accomplish this. They have lots of work to do themselves. I hope to feel more connected to Addison as I work on our Family History.

I am so thankful for Addison and the time we had with her. I have gotten to hear how different it has been for other mothers of Angel Babies, especially if those babies were born many years ago. I have been saying, it is tragic and wonderful how well the hospital was prepared to help us grieve and memorialize our daughter. Although they did an amazing job, I'm sure it is without doubt due to practice and revisions made when other babies have passed. I wish I could hold those other babies too. I imagine Addison playing with them in heaven. In my day dream I see her, not as a baby but as a small child. Her hair is long and dark, silky and full. She is running, almost in slow motion in my mind. They are playing tag. There's a sand box where they make castles and slides that spin around and around. Every child is beautiful, but I can't help but be a little partial.

When the kids get tired of running, they all sit along the jungle gym and talk. They remember their families. They discuss what we are upto and how they can help us. Some of them get sad to see us hurting. I hope Addison is not overly saddened. They love our accomplishments and rejoice to see us grow. Sometimes they meet with the children who have not come to their parents yet. They tell them how to be good and help Mommy and Daddy. Some are better listeners than others but every single one is excited. Excited to meet mom and dad. To help nurture the hole left by the Angel babies, their brothers or sisters. What a big hole it is. Such huge shoes to fill.

I love my Angel Baby. My beautiful Angel, Addison River.

Love,

Addison's Mommy

37 likes

Ginger Faulk So beautiful, you are such an awesome writer. Someday Addison's siblings are going to love reading these beautiful writings. I love reading them and I love y'all and you're beautiful Angel Baby, Addison River.

Channy Hansen Fish You have a beautiful way with words and expressing your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for so willingly sharing yourself with us all. You, Addison, and Nathan are now loved by so many, near and far, beyond measure.

Debra V. Wade Your words are healing to so many. Thank you