Grieving is Hard

March 29

Grieving is hard. It's exhausting. It's debilitating. I am constantly trying to figure out how I feel so I can better understand myself. Even so others can better understand this self that I don't know. I play every scenario in my head trying to figure out what would be helpful for someone to say or what would make me crumble. To be honest, it doesn't matter how often I rehearse it, I can never really know. So I have guarded myself. I'm very careful as to who I'm around because some people might remind me too much of Addison or some people might not be sensitive enough to my loss. I would have never known who I would reach out to, even cling to, if someone had played out this scenario to me before Addison was born. I will say that the people I have clung to are also maybe not who you would expect. They are the mothers, even some with babies or that are pregnant. Most would think that this would break my heart repeatedly but these other mothers know very closely what I'm feeling. They know about all the joys Addison has brought me. They can also know or attempt to comprehend what it would be like to lose something so beloved. They listen to me without judgement or insensitivity. It's not that other people do that. It's just that mothers are the best at. It's best because I'm a mother too.

With love,

Addison's Mommy

P.s. It seems I write reminders about what I want to write about next and it seems like I never do that. I think it's just because my mood changes. Sorry for the confusion. I will still leave notes for myself but I might not get to that topic for a while.

17 likes

Debra V. Wade: I so admire your strength your honesty and again thank you for sharing. I know that this is helping many people heal. Thank you and y'all are in our prayers always.

Krista Mullins: And your mommy friends admire the strength you show in the face of unbearable adversity! You are such a special person and we all love you!

Emily Rusch: Love you sweet sister.

Michelle Granger Moose: Let's talk again on Monday if you want and I would like to talk to Nathan as well if he would like to.