Little Miracles

March 28

Sorry today's post is so late. Today was a busy day. Normally I like to write early in the morning while Daddy is still sleeping. I would much rather be enjoying his company once he wakes up. This morning, Nathan went to have breakfast with his dad, Grandpa, and so he got up earlier than normal, thus giving me little time to write.

Yesterday I mentioned that I was having a hard morning. That hard morning ended up lasting all day (fortunately it did not carry over to today). It just felt like my heart was close to the surface all day long. It wasn't any one specific thing anyone said or did. It definitely was not the people I was with. It just was a hard day. A good friend helped me make some sense of why there are hard days. She told me that its sort of like my body absorbing the shock. My mind and my heart can't handle it all at once. Every once in a while though, I can handle or accept a little more of what has happened. At first those days were all crammed together but as the remaining shock gets smaller and smaller, the frequency of my hard days will become further and further apart. There may never be a day though that the shock is totally gone.

Today wasn't as hard and I actually started off by focusing on some miracles that have happened. Daddy has a new job. It is a true miracle. This job came to him also. The real miracle part though is that Daddy is going to be home in the evenings and off on the weekends. For those who may not know us as personally, Nathan has been getting home no earlier than 8:30pm for almost a year (sometimes as late as 2am). I am overjoyed! I'm going to have a husband again! We could maybe even go on a date.

There have been a few other little miracles but they haven't fully panned out yet so I won't comment on them quite yet. What I will say is how thankful I am for our guardian angel, Addison. I very strongly feel that Addison had a discussion with Heavenly Father and together they decided that Mommy and Daddy need each other more than ever right now. They prepared this job for Nathan, even maybe before Addison came to us, so that we could better take care of each other. It's like Addison has just been going around, touching peoples hearts and showing God's favor. I love her. She has such a caring heart. I am proud to call myself her mother.

I wanted to talk a little about the anger phase of grief but I think I will save it for another time since it might seemingly contradict all I have said about the miracles. As a for-warning to that future post, I will say that anger is a normal part of the grief process and I think I have been handling very well. I don't want to be told not to be angry or to just rely on Heavenly Father more. I am relying on Him. That doesn't mean that I can't feel like I got the short end of the stick sometimes.

Thank you for your understanding in advance.

Addison's Mommy

25 likes

Tabitha Weiler Armstrong: I'm so, so glad today was better for you. Congrats on the new job! So happy and excited for you guys!

Sarah Latchaw: Congrats on the new job! And of course let it out:) we love you and are here for you for the ups and the downs. Addison is a precious little spirit that will always take care of you.

Shauna Baang: Yay so grateful for the miracles! Someone once Told me that it's okay to own your feelings and to feel them. the hard part is to know when to let it go. Which is so hard to do for some people including myself! Love you and admire you and your strengths . ((Hugs))

Jessica Snider: I think you'll find a lot of us have gone through the grieving process with y'all...obviously not to the same extent...but many of is have felt sad and angry and also the warm comfort of the spirit and the strengthening through the gospel...Addison has touched us all in a very special way. I think your posts are beautiful and helpful for all of us. None of us are judging or criticizing how you feel. I think most of us have been amazed by y'all and how well you're dealing with this.

Taurus Womble: Let's double date. :))

Emily Rusch: Hooray for the new job!! He totally deserves it. Such a blessing that you will have him home.

And p.s. you're allowed to be angry.

Krista Mullins: SO happy for the new job too!! WOW!! HUGE blessing! Couldn't be happier for you!